On Being a PhD Student

This class has had tremendous effects on me personally, most I would say are positive.

First, I feel like I am getting ready for a long road trip. I feel excited and refreshed, ready to get on the road. This class has shown me that I am more than ready for the trip. I'm not sure exactly how long it will take me, but I have my map in front of me and the path marked clearly for at least the first leg of the trip. I hope to have the rest of it mapped out pretty soon.

Several different events of the past two years lead me to this decision (at least that I can track). Most recently was my trip to the HACU conference which seemed to put the decision right in my face. I couldn't ignore it. I had to decide one way or another. I either keep going in the same direction and find myself in a dead-end years from now, or give myself some options.

Money, distance and prestige have always been a big issue. Don't want to give up the money I'm making, don't want to leave my family or take them away from what they know and love and don't want to settle for anything just because there is nothing else. So I didn't want to give up my job, didn't want to move and didn't want to get an EdD. Not that there is anything wrong with an EdD. Most people who have advanced positions have an EdD but I am an ivy league snob. They taught me well.

From the time of the Mellon Fellowship, I know that people have expected me to continue on to the PhD and getting an EdD was like disappointing them. Although I lost the Mellon money because I didn't pursue this earlier, I still feel I made the right choice. Part of me, in undergrad and graduate school, got bored of the theory and esoteric nature of discussing and analyzing literature. I can do it for pleasure and for fun, but I certainly do not want to do it because I have to or because it is part of my job. Toward the end of each of those degrees, I questioned its relevance. The TCR degree has built-in flexibility so that students can choose their own path. Someone can choose to go heavy theoretical or practical or get a nice mix of the two. The flexibility not only in regards to distance but in regards to choice is very important to me.

One of the most importance choices was not to sacrifice my family for the degree. To me that was always the biggest barrier. I have heard many people say the divorce rate for phd students is very high. The distance would have certainly contributed to that stress.

I did learn, even with taking one class, that I have to be very diligent in not forgetting about my family. I know that I will concentrate on academics and will instinctively put that first above all else. I have caught myself doing that several times. And even if it means going to bed an hour later or skipping lunch the next day to catch up on work, I need to be careful not to ignore my family. It is easier for the children to come and not care that I am reading a book or taking notes; they demand the attention. It is much harder for my husband. He understands how important this is to me and will not demand, at least not directly. I have to be be cognizant of them. Losing one for the other is not a very good trade-off.